I wrote a before piece a week prior to attending to cover my feelings about the course and hopefully see any changes in my opinions or any questions answered :
I know a few bits and bobs about gentle parenting from Janet Lansbury, which seems to be what we will be covering. I don't know if I intend to embrace the parenting style fully but I would like to have a better understanding so I can make more informed choices when raising Tom. My friend is an advocate of gentle parenting, and attachment parenting and I have seen some of it in action which is great to see. I am looking forward to expanding my parental horizons!
They say : A 3 hour workshop that enables you to understand your toddler's brain development and shows you ways to avoid and handle most difficult toddler behaviour. We will look at the science of tantrums and how to encourage your toddler to grow into a kind, thoughtful and independent child. As well as this we address concerns around the arrival of a new sibling, biting, hitting, throwing, eating and potty training as well as helping parents to prepare in advance for the toddler years. We promise that you will find this introductory workshop truly refreshing and eye opening!
On the day : I got a bit lost trying to find the place as it is an adorable cottage type house tucked away on Sevenoaks high street, this led me to arriving with no shoes on (cobbles+heels), a rather full bladder and feeling frazzled. I was given a lovely warm greeting by Aliy, a cuppa and directions to the loo, good start!
In the workshop I was with 3 other women, all with toddlers, and troublesome tots at that. After some introductions I gained a much better idea of what ToddlerCalm is all about, it's the science of raising a child. It does contain some of what underpins gentle parenting but it is different and not so secular that it would only apply to that.
We looked at the developmental stages of a child's brain and the impact of this on behaviour and specifically tantrums. This was supported by the psychological studies that direct what behaviour management is used as a social norm and the impacts of that style in the child. It certainly gave me food for thought. At this point I thought it was good that Aliy approached the session in a non judgemental way, she was not ostracising people for methods that they have chosen or will chose to adopt but merely provides information to expand a parents awareness to a more empathic way to raise a toddler.
All of the parents in the room expressed examples of difficult behaviours they had experienced and discused cause and effect. It was a good way of linking what had happened with why it was happening.
We then went on to then look at and discuss the ToddlerCalm method. Now, I'm not about to give it all away as I feel you should learn this in context of the workshop or the books, but I will say it is parenting with the aim of understanding your child, and communicating with them to alleviate the anger/stress that build into tantrums and troublesome behaviour.
I liked that Aliy explained that this will not stop a child from ever having tantrums as children are children and its a natural thing to happen but offers a way to manage it when it happens! Aliy also promoted me time and I'm saying a big YES to that!
As Tom is 11 months, we are yet to encounter the lurking beast of tantrums, but what I liked is that I can start to put in place some of what I have learned so when we do approach that time he will already be familiar with the method. I really like that the system is about empathy, trust and love, this sits very well with what I am learning as a counsellor in supporting Tom to be a well rounded adult in his future.
I found it interesting that all of the mums there had already raised one toddler and were on their second, advocating that the books and reading they had done had shown them the errors of their ways! Everyone said that they wished that they had known about this from the start.
In reflection : I really feel that this a good system for managing child tantrums and that it is based on science which will please Mr B. I think it has a great balance of emotional and logical which some other behaviour management seem to be lacking.
I am pleased to have got to attend the course before I have been in meltdown, this doesn't seem to be the case for the other mums which makes sense that they exhausted all other options and so tried to work 'outside the box'. I genuinely hope that if you have a wee one and are starting to question parenting styles then please do investigate this. I hadn't affiliated myself with any particular style but I knew that I liked a rule to follow (and explain to friends/family when they think I'm strange for not just blindly doing what is the norm), and I also like to take an emotional approach to all I do.
My only apprehension is how I will be able to get a consistent approach amongst all of Tom's caregivers, I guess I must accept a degree of salt with some and also let them see it in action which should help them understand the motivation.
The workshop costs £35, now that's not money I would just throw around, nor would many of my friends with children as when you have little ones there is usually the issue of budget. I think this is why most people would approach this when desperate rather than a pre emotive strike. I would say that if you can find the money then do some research and try it out. Course are offered all over the country (and the flipping world!) so there is bound to be one near you!
I had a lovely afternoon and have genuinely walked away feeling prepared for tantrums and generally what is to come, like I have added a string to my parenting bow!
N.B. Although I was given a free place on the workshop in return for my big post, all opinions expressed are my own, no pressure has been placed upon me for a flattering post! It really is that good!
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